Tag: identity

I have changed my name a lot. Some were nicknames, some were legit, legally on paper (read part 1 here). I have also built my own brand at least a dozen times — Each time I would tear down the previous version, and start from scratch, rebuild it to something completely new… Only to feel “over it” by the time I got to the end. LOL for me.

Only a handful of those have ever seen the light of day. Most only briefly. A moment where I was so proud and so excited of my “new creation”. And ya know I would go and share it with some people (like a special sneak preview). I would share it with my besties who would say “WOOT that’s awesome! I don’t get it, but it’s awesome!” And I would share it with a person in my industry/field, usually someone that I respected or admired. Sometimes I would show my mom – that ended pretty early –

Anyway, those brand versions were really just my identity all packaged up. Which would change every few years based on whatever current special interest I had, or visual I had locked into.

Now, I would imagine You’ll have the people coming for me saying, “Well, you shouldn’t care.” No shit. I’m working through that. I’m 36. I’m a mom now. Or the people saying “oh, well it just wasn’t the right timing” Sure, no problem.

You can tell me whatever you think I want to hear or perhaps whatever you think you want to hear.

As far as why past brand iterations didn’t work? I don’t really care. Trying to understand why is not helping me today or tomorrow. All I know is that my biggest mistake, my biggest failure and regret is not just doing it. Waiting for external validation and approval…

Here’s the thing when it comes to “just doing it”. Once upon a time, I had this extreme sense of “Fuck the world”. And my mother would tell me “you’re so angry and you hate the world” and blah, blah, blah and like, yeah, maybe I did. Because it was hard as a teenager and try to wrap your head around the fact that your own mother who adopted you HATES you.

I absolutely am angry. I have every right to be.

THE BO YEARS – no W
I used to try and make my whole brand, my identity. Uh maybe you knew me at the Laura bo phase. Uh, for those of you don’t know,
My middle name is not BO. I have five bow tattoos, I have five ribbon tattoos, right? And I got three of them the summer just before I went to college my freshman year and two of them within the first year of college.

It doesn’t matter. The point is, is Why was it Bo not b-o-w? Because the first time I had it as “bow”, people said oh it’s “Laura bow” like the pronunciation was BAO. They assumed it was my last name. So I dropped the W. Back then my last name was still my fathers, MARFILIUS.

THE FIONA YEARS
I was just barely 18. Took me three more years to take my mom’s last name. Maybe you met me in high school during my Fiona years, right? Uh, it technically. Started, when I went to Camp, Sleepway camp, the same year I got kicked out of camp.

But I decided that, hey, I don’t know these fucking people. I see them for a few weeks out of the year and I don’t want to be Laura right now, right? Because I thought Laura sucked. And so I said, fine, I’m going to be Fiona and I was Fiona. Up until my freshman year of high school, where there was already a Fiona.

Her real name was Fiona. And obviously F comes before L in the in the alphabet. Um, and so I decided to go by Laura that year. That blip. The following year when I was shipped off to boarding school in Vermont, I went back to Fiona. I didn’t grow up with the name, Fiona, I didn’t have nicknames. I always wanted a nickname. I didn’t know the, uh, the the ugly side of nicknames.

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To be continued…