Let’s start at context matters. Uh, and words I’ve been really on words and wanting to use the right words and on this whole like healing reflection. If you will, I’ve come to figure out that as part of my ADHD and autism and all my masking and blah blah blah.
I have cyclically — however, I don’t like saying that so — I have continuously been on some type of cycle as far as the evolution of one’s self-identity. Where I have latched on or identified with a word or an image or some type of “theme” and then somehow it becomes my entire identity… perhaps we should call it a persona though, and it can last for a month, a year, even a couple of years in some cases.
Um, But, As I’ve been trying to go back through and like, figure out who I am now. Um, and what I Keep around or evolve or Throw away or Call. Barry say goodbye to, I don’t know. Have a funeral for if you will. Um, I’ve been figuring out that I always simultaneously have a Internal battle with myself about who I want to be, who I want the world to see me as and Who.
I think the world sees me as um and those are like three very different things and I need to figure out some type of visual Support element to help me describe that. So, at this point, we know, I’m a mom. I’m a parent. I’m a partner, I’m a wife which I’m still grasping, like I’m still working through that.
Um, Because I have a lot of feelings towards that one. But my big ones are I want? I’m a maker, I’m a creative. And I am a DOT connector and I have to figure out how to Make that make sense. Two people, um, or maybe I don’t and people can interpret it how they want and it’ll either connect with them or it won’t.
Uh, canva AI. They’re I guess it’s like their free write or their magic. Right? Has been super helpful in getting some of my stuff. Better worded if you will. Or reminding me. Of words that make perfect sense for exactly what I’m trying to say. At that moment without me getting frustrated, trying to remember what the fucking word is.
But I’m also drowning in like a million other words. And Trying to not get stuck on words that I don’t want to be because I it’s so much easier to go to the negative or go to the. I know I don’t want this. So for now, we’re going to go with dot connector maker.
And there’s a part of me that wants to kind of come out and say ha I’m autistic if you know me then this makes sense because XYZ and do a whole series. With that. Um, I just have to work through all the funny examples that I’ve been pulling out.
And honestly, some of the biggest help has been from this one Instagram account, uh, the Manifesto community and it’s just this lady Holly herbig You could call her a genius. But really, it’s just the first time that I’ve had a person that has a brain similar to mine. Uh, say things that in words that make sense to me.
In in ways that resonate with me. Um, But there was something that you posted two days ago, That said, remember repelling and magnetizing happens unconsciously as a function of your aura. We can break down all those things, uh, some other time. Um, and then she goes on to say, you aren’t choosing to magnetize or repel anyone, but you can certainly feel the Winds of Change long before, others, do and know it’s time for you to leave a community or Social Circle.
I needed to know that 15 years ago because I did know it, but I didn’t know how to just say. Oh, okay, cool. And then move on. I thought there was something wrong with me so I kept trying to fight it and try and stick around and it would make me miserable because I fucking hated wherever I was, um, and I realized that like I can’t be in jobs.
For longer than two years. Three years Max and that’s only if there’s like some big thing that happens after the second year, um and maybe that would be different if I felt Uh, to like Blow with my stuff at work. Um, But it’s always like no not right now or not this and blah blah and then by the time they’re ready to do it.
I’m over it. So I realized that the biggest thing that I need to get over. Is this whole Community aspect? I keep trying to find my people and I just need to fucking be myself. And be in the world again. Um, so let’s do this.
